Seize from every its unique novelty, and do not prepare your joys

I've made some drastic changes in the past couple of months and I must say I'm happier. Firstly, no more smoking or drinking. I didn't think I'd actually want to stop smoking, even if it was just recreational and not an escape, but when you think about it, it's always an escape and why should I lose time like that? How you spend your day is how you spend your life. I had a revelation the other day. I wanted to smoke, but then realized that I've been so productive and have done so many positive things vs smoking that the desire went away. I'm appreciating reality more than the subreality that smoking creates.

Secondly, different medications = different feelings. I had a bit of a breakdown a couple months ago and went a little crazy. Uncontrolled shopping sprees, fantastic/grandiose ideas, extremely ecstatic for a few days, and then rock bottom for a few days. All the extreme ups and downs were freaking me out so I went to my psychiatrist. He said the increase in the wellbutrin's dosage to 300mg overstimulated me. Well he took me off it completely and then I went a couple weeks going crazy from having the wellbutrin leave my system. So I decided to see another psychiatrist in the practice where I go because I don't think it's smart to just take somebody completely off a medication without weaning them off of it. I made an appointment with Dr Thoma and she is absolutely fantastic. I liked her immediately. She spent a full hour with me, which is crazy because psychiatrist appointments are usually only 15 minutes long. By the end of the hour she said I've probably developed cyclothymic disorder, which is an off-branch of bi-polar II. Cyclothymic disorder is usually diagnosed in adolescence and young adulthood. I read a lot about it because I have so many psychology manuels, and it sounds just like me with my extreme highs and lows. The highs and lows haven't been so bad to the point of hospitalization so I don't have bi-polar I, but the offbranch of bi-polar II makes sense.

These last three months, I've painted about 19 paintings and started writing again. I have to thank my boyfriend Michael for helping with these changes I've made and his continued support. I also will have to thank Dr. Thoma for helping me so much in just one visit already. The new medication she put me on is for bi-polar, but it is a mood stabalizer. I'm not longer chronically fatigued all day and I'm sleeping better. I have so much more energy and desire to do things. Its wonderful :) I'm finally becoming more even-keeled and it feels wonderful.